Beauty

I was walking down Chambers St.  It was raining outside.  I was feeling incredibly happy and light and proud.  

Truth is as soon as I woke up this morning (Wednesday) I felt pretty good. I was a little annoyed because I had some unfinished business to deal with, but after it was all over, and I succeeded in my intentions, my mood couldn’t be brighter, despite the cloudy days.

As I walked down the street feeling positive and happy within, people passing by smiled at me and guys were looking at me, you know, “the look”.

It kind of caught me off guard a little, I wasn’t expecting this…and maybe because I wasn’t with the kids I was more aware of it?  I dunno.  But, I do believe this: whatever it was that made people smile at me, or look at me in admiration (I hope), had nothing with what I was wearing, or my hair, or make up.  I am a firm believer that beauty comes from within and that it is affected by your mood, your thoughts, your outlook, your self.

I didn’t really embrace my looks till my late 20s.  Yup.  Spent most of my life thinking there was everything wrong with me.  In the process, I attracted people as negative as my perspective.  Once I was able to come out of this negative hold, my life changed completely.

I am now 38.  I have lost my adolescent beauty, but have gained other things, worth more, in turn.  And in the process, I have been fortunate to attract some of the most beautiful people into my life.  But I had to change.  Not my physical self, but my perspective, and I had to learn to love me and accept me.  It wasn’t the easiest thing to do.  When you grow up in a household where you are reminded that for so many reasons you aren’t beautiful, it takes a lot to overcome that and believe you are despite what you’ve been told.

So today, as I put make up on my face, in preparation for a dinner party I was attending, I was able to appreciate the woman staring back at me.  I saw her as an incredibly happy person, who has been blessed with so much.  I saw a person who has overcome a lot, but I wouldn’t change a thing.  I saw someone who knew that at any moment it could all be lost, so she knew she had to embrace it and be grateful for it all always.  I know that not everyone would think so much of me or love me, or like me, or accept me…but I’m ok with that. Because what matters is what I think of myself and what mark I leave in this world.

This is what I embrace during my workouts, this is what I think about while on this journey to better health, like in every other. Make the most of it every day.  I am fortunate to be here.  I am fortunate to have the freedom and support that I do in everything I do.

My hope is to always be humble, to always be kind.  To have the strength to say I’m sorry and admit when I’m wrong. To be accepting of others and offer forgiveness.  And to never measure my self worth or personal beauty based on other’s opinion of me, but on the good that I can give as a friend, a sister, a mother, a wife, and someone with this gift of life.  I am not perfect, and I make mistakes, but I try not to use these as excuses to be insensitive or cruel to anyone, because you get what you give.  Maybe not always, maybe not quickly, maybe not in the way you expect, but it does happen.

I know if I can maintain this course, my happiness and the beauty it brings will not falter. And that’s the skinny.

The Camaraderie Among Runners

Got up to run, feeling more awake than I expected, having stayed up too late last night twittering (some one help me!).  My husband was doubtful that I would go because of the rainy weather, but I was going to take it on, no matter what!

Turns out it wasn’t rainy, just a bit drizzly, windy, and really foggy.  I was eager to get out there and take it on, maybe cause I felt in doing so I was going to be one of the “tough gals”, you know, “whether rain, sleet, or snow…”

The minute I stepped out of my apartment I felt like a rock star.  Not sure why, maybe because I knew I was going to run today.  Maybe because running makes me feel like I’m cool…(laughing to herself)…it is cool…though, I think anyone who made it out this morning at 6:30AM for any type of work out is pretty cool.

I ran my first hill.  My legs ached, but I also felt stronger.  Made it into the park.  Silence.  I saw her again, The Lady in Purple, but this time she was wearing royal blue.  We smiled at each other.

I hit my second hill (Her Hill), jogging, and another runner, you can tell an avid runner as he totally looked the part, smiled at me and greeting me with a friendly, “Good Morning!” and a smile as we passed each other by.

I know that at times some athletes aren’t always friendly, especially to beginners, but I have been a beginner runner a few times now and I can tell you, I’ve always felt a warmth among other runners.  Well, unless they are racing and you get in their way!

When I started up Her Hill my legs were feeling a bit stronger…I lifted my head, took in the views (and a pic) before going full force into it.  That moment in time was so beautiful and peaceful.  That moment in running early in the morning is what I love the most about this new venture.

I went up the hill around The New Leaf Cafe…you know, Killer Hill 1 that threatens to knock me over each time? Well, I made it, without quitting, though, I was actually wheezing a bit at the top.

When I got to the last hill, Killer Hill 2 by Bennett Park, I was a bit nervous.  I was speed walking up to it and looked right at it and said, “Ok baby, it’s you and me now.” LOL!  I know.  I’m a dork.  I started my jog, focused on maintaining my pace, and just kept going.  Surprisingly, I wasn’t wheezing, or feeling like I was going to die.  ”Killer Hill” prepared me for “Killer Hill 2″!

I got home, did my stretches, crunches, more stretches, kissed my husband good-bye and made the boys breakfast.  As I drank my protein smoothy, while making my bed, I got a glimpse of my booty.  I lifted my t-shirt and checked it out. 

I liked what I saw.  Mind you…I know it’s bigger than most booties, I know I just started working out, so it’s not significantly different than last week before all of this, and I admit it can make for difficult jean shopping experiences, but there it is, mine (and my hubby’s)…it felt strong, it wasn’t jiggly…just saying, “Girl, you did good today…you did good!”

Picture blurry due to the complexity of focusing camera when taking self-booty portraits.

 

PS: I’ve inspired yet another beautiful friend to take charge and get healthy!  Check out her blog here and join me in congratulating her and supporting her throughout her journey!  Remember to also visit ebbin’s blog and show your support!  And thank you ladies for your courage, support, and friendship!  Together, we can get to the skinny!  Much love!