I was walking down Chambers St.  It was raining outside.  I was feeling incredibly happy and light and proud.  

Truth is as soon as I woke up this morning (Wednesday) I felt pretty good. I was a little annoyed because I had some unfinished business to deal with, but after it was all over, and I succeeded in my intentions, my mood couldn’t be brighter, despite the cloudy days.

As I walked down the street feeling positive and happy within, people passing by smiled at me and guys were looking at me, you know, “the look”.

It kind of caught me off guard a little, I wasn’t expecting this…and maybe because I wasn’t with the kids I was more aware of it?  I dunno.  But, I do believe this: whatever it was that made people smile at me, or look at me in admiration (I hope), had nothing with what I was wearing, or my hair, or make up.  I am a firm believer that beauty comes from within and that it is affected by your mood, your thoughts, your outlook, your self.

I didn’t really embrace my looks till my late 20s.  Yup.  Spent most of my life thinking there was everything wrong with me.  In the process, I attracted people as negative as my perspective.  Once I was able to come out of this negative hold, my life changed completely.

I am now 38.  I have lost my adolescent beauty, but have gained other things, worth more, in turn.  And in the process, I have been fortunate to attract some of the most beautiful people into my life.  But I had to change.  Not my physical self, but my perspective, and I had to learn to love me and accept me.  It wasn’t the easiest thing to do.  When you grow up in a household where you are reminded that for so many reasons you aren’t beautiful, it takes a lot to overcome that and believe you are despite what you’ve been told.

dinner1So today, as I put make up on my face, in preparation for a dinner party I was attending, I was able to appreciate the woman staring back at me.  I saw her as an incredibly happy person, who has been blessed with so much.  I saw a person who has overcome a lot, but I wouldn’t change a thing.  I saw someone who knew that at any moment it could all be lost, so she knew she had to embrace it and be grateful for it all always.  I know that not everyone would think so much of me or love me, or like me, or accept me…but I’m ok with that. Because what matters is what I think of myself and what mark I leave in this world.

This is what I embrace during my workouts, this is what I think about while on this journey to better health, like in every other. Make the most of it every day.  I am fortunate to be here.  I am fortunate to have the freedom and support that I do in everything I do.

My hope is to always be humble, to always be kind.  To have the strength to say I’m sorry and admit when I’m wrong. To be accepting of others and offer forgiveness.  And to never measure my self worth or personal beauty based on other’s opinion of me, but on the good that I can give as a friend, a sister, a mother, a wife, and someone with this gift of life.  I am not perfect, and I make mistakes, but I try not to use these as excuses to be insensitive or cruel to anyone, because you get what you give.  Maybe not always, maybe not quickly, maybe not in the way you expect, but it does happen.

I know if I can maintain this course, my happiness and the beauty it brings will not falter. And that’s the skinny.

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