Silence

Got up today with no real goal in mind other than getting through my workout.  I was tired again, and for a moment was tempted to stay in bed, thinking if only there was a way I could do this later.  But later really isn’t a great time for me.  I am so very busy during the day, and get worn out pretty fast towards the end of it.  This is my time, the perfect time.

So, I got up, got out, and realized I had done so by 6:00AM, which was unnecessarily early.  I was strong in my stride and fast in my pace.  I ran/walked to the park.  In my head: silence.  No runner, no encouragement, no motivational speeches.  Just the sound of my breath.

I walked past the African newspaper guy.  This guy has watched me at my best, running while pushing the kids in a double stroller.  This was last summer. Before I injured my foot.  He always greets me, smiles with the wonderful smile of his.  I love it because it is so wide, so sincere, his white teeth gleaming from behind his beautiful black skin.  He’s always such a great sight.  But I digress….

I get to the entrance of the park.  I start thinking about a 4 mile race I just committed to running in a couple of weeks.  I am scared out of my mind about running 4 miles, but excited as well.  With this thought in mind, I start a slow jogging pace.  I search my head for a conversation.  There is none.  Nothing…just the pounding of my feet on the ground and my breath.  It was quiet at the park too, with it being so early not a lot of people were around yet.

I needed a distraction to get through this, or so I thought.  I stared at the white line.  The painted line that divides the car area from the run/walk/bike path.  It runs all along the park.  I stared down at it, not looking up.  ”Ok, line…take me out of here.”  So, I jog, and jog, and jog…up Her Hill…down it, around The Cloisters…up Killer Hill 1, and instead of stopping I kept going…next thing I knew I was outside of the park.

I couldn’t believe it!  No, really, I couldn’t. “I did it!  I did it!” I said out load, while catching my breath.  I ran over a mile, non-stop, for the first time since I started this over a week ago.

I held my head up high, walked my way up to Killer Hill 2, jogged it…and walked the rest of the way home.

Here’s the skinny: I am not sure what the deal is with hearing the voice of encouragement sometimes, but not today. But the silence and hard focus on what I was doing took pressure away from me.  Today I just ran.  No mission, no goal…I just went.  And it was the best run I’ve had.  Sometimes it’s ok to just embrace the silence in our heads and go with the flow.  Not put pressure on ourselves to work harder.  If we love what we do, it will come through, even when all the noise has died down and we are left alone.